Most of the feedback I received on my second pitch was very positive. One thing I was told ( and did in this third pitch) was to make more eye contact with the camera. My original thought was to not look at the camera and act like I was just talking to a bunch of people beyond the sense, but now I see how that could be confusing and come across as unprofessional. Another criticism I got was that I said "they" when referring to my business venture, so I was conscious to say "I" and "we". The last thing was to use less filler words which I also tried to do.
Caroline I actually wasn't assigned to comment on your pitch this time but I remembered your pitch being one of my favorites and wanted to come back to see how it went this time. I honestly didn't think it could get any better because it was so great last time but yet it did! Your pitch was great! I appreciate the eye contact you made with the audience and your personality is so inviting and warm. I would definitely be a customer at your boutique! Great job again! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Caroline! I like that you're engaged with the camera and that your voice is clear. There are some signs of nervousness, which is completely normal, but work on controlled hand gestures (instead of nervous ones), and keeping your eyes locked on the camera (they sometimes flutter). Your concept is very clear, but I would say simplify it a bit and create key phrases for some of the main points, don't give it all away, leave us wanting to know more! Here's mine: http://lfrancie.blogspot.com/2016/03/elevator-pitch-no-3.html
ReplyDeleteHi, Caroline! Well, I certainly cannot wait for Sweet Caroline's to open! Your shop sounds lovely, and I appreciate the idea of having a one-stop-shop for beauty, clothing, seasonal items, flowers, etc. How neat! You were very professional, articulated well, stated your points clearly, and kept us engaged with your smile and subtle hand gestures. My only advice would be to approach the pitch in a way that seems as though your store is already in progress, rather than saying "the idea of..." "I think this would be a good idea..." Own your idea, and talk about it like it is here already! Excellent job. Here is mine: http://analeisent3003.blogspot.com/2016/03/week-10-elevator-pitch-no-3.html
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like this time around you touched on just about everything you were criticized on. I love your idea! My old roommate from freshman year was huge in fashion and wants to go into the fashion industry and she would just die over something like this. I think a lot of people would be interested in this and I believe you would be really successful.
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